bestiary cassette review

V/A "BESTIARY" (Hairy Spider Legs) 2014

A DNA sample was taken from a brown recluse spider buried under terra cotta bricks circa 1906. Through an early model digital microscope, scientists were able to pull evidence of a collective of troubadours and minstrels that wandered and entertained the good people of Chicago. They managed to capture audio frequencies to tape and visual data by dot matrix printer. I will attempt to give my assessment of the data collected. This scientific discovery doubles as a cabinet of curiosities. 

Each entry will include a description of the visuals (illustrations by Rebecca Schoenecker) that accompany the track listing as avatars. NOTE: this one was limited edition and as far as I can tell, only available via dizquoggz(link below), and streamable via a certain fruit-named company's musical arm.

🅑BESTIARY(cover image): clawed mammal with tiny tail, mouth open, waiting to be fed.

curio the first

🅢SPIRES THAT IN THE SUNSET RISE_arrival: long-beaked bird gracefully descending south-westerly. Hear a Gaian hymn, harmonized paean to nature's bounty. Banjo & mandolin plucks merge with folklore annunciated with perfect diction.

🅞ORA COGAN_ribbon vine: double helix model that grows split-tongue leaves. This is a masterful example of guitar soli primitivism, which bears resemblance to the title of Ora Cogan's solo LP.

🆃THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS_dragonfly: more dragon, less fly. More forked tongue and scaly serpent's tail with an arrow point. Headfirst dive, mouth open. Is this a field recording? It is evidence of natural abilities of voice, thumb piano, jaw harp, metallic bass drum. The joyous chorus: "Please don't drop those bombs on our heads."

🅐ARRINGTON DE DIONYSO'S MALAIKAT DAN SINGA_shaman rock and rolling thunder: in a glass ampoule, a pair of hands open and behold a great mountain. Tom Waits bumped into Lou Barlow in an alley, and all of their synths, pedals, plumbing equipment, Popeye vhs tapes and Daniel Johnston's barnyard animals noise toy splashed into polka-dotted puddles, while a baritone saxophone exhales the HVAC system of the bodega around the corner.

🅜MARMITS_little tony's last ocean trip: Little tony might be bummed, with hidden arms and with a sick wave creeping up over him. This maybe the soundtrack to a puppet show with a lesson. It depicts tony's nautical journey, and builds into a youthful punk anthem. Sweaty felt.

🆁RUBY FRAY_seventeen years: two more double helix patterns, each with double-forked tongues and earthworm pairings, and a beautiful charm necklace floating before a hand-held mirror. Spiritual vox & autoharp with fx, a pagan ritualistic hymn.

🅻LAUGHING EYE WEEPING EYE_dandelion: fox-faced dandelion stretches its long thin tongue.  A fine transition from Ruby Fray to LEWE shows the compiler is no slouch, with an ear of precious metals. Synths and delay fx and harmony vox build the beginning of New New Age.

🅺KNIVES OF SPAIN_part one: a non-anatomical heart with an anthropomorphic cat-like creature wedged into it. Mallet instruments and vocoder and echo showcase a paced ambient monologue/poem. For anyone who digs Laurie Anderson's O Superman.

curio the second

🆅VILLAGE OF SPACES_ancestral oak: five acorns and three oak leaves. A pure pastoral folk gem as joyous as any of Fairport Convention's happier times. This one's a shout-out/homage to a tree, and I feel it's energy.

🆅VRARIDER_the bullet's song: pipes descending from clouds blowing out and sucking in arrows of something, maybe air or energy or bullets. But a whisper and then pizza-pan crashes and a li’l ‘careful with them axes, Eugene’! It carries on with the threadbare rhythms and verses, dabbling with light sonic witchcraft.

🅶GREEN THRIFT GROCERY_tick tick tick: grandfather clock is not amused, his eyebrows are at ten and two. Making nice with the metronome(uh, of course?) As with any time-based medium, the proprietors of the fragrant Green Thrift Grocery contemplate the void, the end, maybe not for them, maybe for you!

🅣THE VONVOLSUNG SISTERS_the death of queen jane: her highness is not looking well, perhaps a little jaundiced, but well dressed. The folk revival revival is 'ere my dears. The sisters (approximately) harmonize to a sweet crowd, and I wish I was there. Won't you come see me?

🅶GIANT SQUID AUTOPSY_stilligiati: super-close-up in the microscope, a hazy backyard protozoa party. Take note: the Queen's Root, Stillingia Sylvatica supports skin health, the upper respiratory system and occasional constipation. I totally get that. Must be the bassoon. Know your sub-shrubs, people. Cephalopod loves tuber. This Duo rips!

🆈YES YES_ylllov-ely llov-ely eyes: more double forked-tongue, adorning a pair of eyelashed eyes. Speaking of immune-boosters, Yes Yes may cure that melancholia after all. They'll put a big dumb smile on your face, not just because they know how to play and sing, they seem really nice. It's fer what ails ya.

🅼MARMITS_little tony's last ocean trip reprise: two rows of swirly ocean waves with a clever optical two-part viewing option. I know you missed him, so we brought Little tony and his pals back for an encore. So you know what that means, children? One last splash in the abyss before bedtime.

beastie hairy

adam padavano

Holy Ripple cassette review

 HOLY RIPPLE “S/T” (Defective Tapes) 2020

 

My surfing vocabulary is novice at best. I’d offend the bras and barneys if I were to assume a mondo wave out by the cove in late August was the “Holy Ripple”. I can afford to risk that offense, and suffer a gnarly knuckle sandwich. It would likely increase my street cred.

 

1. A strong introduction, casting Robert Duvall as a crestfallen Mountie with painted pewter figurines in his vest pockets. Open hands, the esteemed method actor reminisces on his filmography and contemplates another Coppola sequel, “Napalm Beeb II”: whatever happened to the surfing general?

 

2. “Gold & Smoke” rises and meanders the same beachfront properties trespassed by Real Estate’s hi-powered RC dune buggy with a six-pack of PBR in tow.

 

3. When the last tall boy is crushed into a silver dollar and the hand-cranked drum-machine is hacked by the neighborhood medicine man, your only recourse is a barefoot hike around “Bald Mountain”.

 

4. This diner doubles as a time machine. The waffles are the optical disks of memories, such as study hall paper airplane construction. Last period’s physical education is insufferable as usual. A brutal round of dodgeball results with the “Hometown Hero” standing alone, center court, clutching seven Nerf blobs in his never-washed Slipknot tour t-shirt.

 

5. “Sour Grapes” [RIP John Prine].

 

6. Side B: different from Side A, if only because “Radwood” showcases an authentic swipe at the guitar solo from YES’s “Owner of a Lonely Heart”. [Unrelated: RIP Eddie Van Halen]

 

7. So… what if you’re stuck in bumper to bumper, and see the license plate in front of you says: “Kill 4 Luv”? What kind of life events result in said vanity plate? Why or why not? Support your answer.

 

8. Further cinematic fan-fic: Consider director John Cassavettes still going strong in the 1990s, removing Tarantino from his boy-king VHS throne of delusion. In a return to form, he recruits Ben Gazzara and Peter Falk as back in business, down on their luck wise-guys, and of course, Gena Rowlands as the “Getaway Blues Driver”.

 

9. While stepping into the pond of unconsciousness, behold a dusty old Mason Jar labeled “Delia’s Demon”.

 

10. The two or three chord droning penultimate track, “Swim on, Slayer” may be a miniature in this version, but I think it deserves a 13+ minute burner variant, preferably live in front of a studio audience avec fog machine and home movies projected onto a fitted bed sheet.

 

11. Finally, phanstasmagorically, HR connects the dots between the standard, “Dream a Little Dream of Me” and Suicide’s “Dream Baby Dream”. (yeah that’s a good one too, Bruce, but…) But “Dream a Crazy Dream” is an unexpected dance floor call to action, be it in a large anxious crowd or an unlit bedroom late at night with earbuds and the Twilight Trilogy.

 

peace sign with a halo

adam padavano

 

 

 

th’Gunk Was Bunk cassette review

 V/A ‘th’Gunk Was Bunk’ (dihd)

 

(Reviewer’s note: This review was completed way back in ye olde October of 2020. I am thankful to share this one with the artists who contributed to the compilation and their fans, friends, family, and listeners. Please enjoy!    

 -Adam)

Y’know they say things come in cycles. This one’s the love child of Ghost Rider and Ed “Big Daddy” Roth. Dihd records, longtime champion of much adored/misunderstood mystery meat of the masses, provides the survival kit for times like these and those. What times are these? The cover illustration by Jaime RVRS MRCY suggests a literal “bunk” in which to tangle with the proverbial “gunk”, an allegorical cot with bedroll for ol’Rip Van Winkle to snooze on. It appears Rip Van is visited in slumber a-la Uncle Ebeneezer Scrooge, by a Dragon Ball-Z coiffed mer-man entwined with a dragonian serpent… do I detect halitosis? He’s/they’re hovering mere inches from RVW’s face. As if that weren’t enuf, looks like th’peasants have risen from their subterranean hell-holes to drag the poor beardo down to the frizzle-fryer.

 

Yeah…cool, but what’s it sound like?

 

 

                      MOVEMENT A

 

Chapter 1: PENGO. A shaking quaking steamer by the name of One Egg Cream for Phossy Jaw. Sometimes I pretend the Black Angel Death Song is a lil more peppy. Pengo knows.

 

Ch.2: PREENING. WC taking out-jazz to the streets of Cleveland, almost conjuring up the spirit of Mingus’ Haitian Fight Song.

 

Ch.3: All night, like, put it on repeat ‘til it wears into a fuzzy strip of plastic. BAD EYESIGHT? Alright, just listen to the disintegration.

 

Ch.4: ASPS (not ASPCA). Take a deep dive into the mind of Klaus Kinski. Recreate a Werner Herzog remake and title it Snakeferatu. This is the opening credits theme. Picture an auditorium of asps.

 

Ch.5: “HEYST! Who goes there?”

“’Tis I! May I enter the Tide Pool?”

(Instructions Follow)

 

A guided meditation of a quasi-baptism.

 

[Water Break]

 

 

  PSIDE B

 

[Reviewer’s note(second one): cassette side b features another of Jaime’s drawings. This time it’s Rip Van Winkle’s torso, chopped and sandwiched around the letter “b” with the serpent’s tail on the other side. It signifies a turning point in the hero’s journey.]

 

Ch.1: Return to UNITED WATERS for a spiritual groove. Checkers is more than just red and black. It’s a way to let your mind be free.

 

Ch.2: HEALERS co arithmetize:

 

​​Psyche x Folk

​             G-Funk

 Remainder: celestial drone-fest

                      =paradise collage

 

Ch.3: More terrifying than expected, DOUBLE WIG hypothesizes. When your mask is not another face, aka if Lemmy were to steal your face right off of your head.

 

Ch.4: A bit’o’symmetry here, SWEATING PIPE. Pipe Sweating. A tip of the hat to the cymbal mic on this one. MVP.

 

Ch.5: In closing, fittingly, the one-man HUMAN ADULT BAND is accompanied by an on-air Coast to Coast AM with George Noory phone call from Patty, discussing chemtrails in Seattle. T Penn goes full singer-songwriter with Peace to You, a clarion call to fellow Earthlings. Peeling back the curtain on this one, T Penn sez: 

“It's me on vox and a borrowed acoustic guitar bc I left mine at a campfire jam, hosted by SHADOW BAND, the night before. One of the cooler activities done as a part of the SHADOW BAND gathering/bonfire was a sauerkraut canning workshop.”

 

While we have th’Gunkmeister on the horn, what are the curator’s intentions with this collection?

 

“Speaking of comps and candy hopefully the new Gunk is mostly Reese’s but there might be a Necco wafer in there somewhere. Happy Halloween.”

 

dei aye ache dio

adam padavano